We Only Change if We Want To
What causes you to make a change in your life?
Do you want to make a change in your life? I mean, really want to?
Or, do you just want to read another “this is how to change” article? If you just want to read another article on how to become a better person, great. There are a lot of articles on Medium, so you’re in a good place.
But if you really want to make a change in your life, then this is the article for you, because change for the better isn’t about simply making goals, creating schedules, motivation, or sleep patterns.
Making a change for the better in your life is about simply wanting to make a change. Creating goals, schedules, being motivated, and making sure you get your sleep, are the symptoms of a desire to become a better person.
Once you tap into that desire, the rest falls into place easily. You wake up excited, you focus on goals, and you drive yourself beyond what you thought possible. You will research what successful people do so you can do the same because of that desire.
Those who don’t have that desire read one “this is how to change” article after another, looking for ways to become a better person, but not having the power source of a longing to achieve something beyond themselves.
How did I find this out? I tapped into my own desires, what I long to do and achieve not just for myself, but for my community, for my family, and to fulfill my walk before God.
Here are some thoughts that will help you find that desire.
Find a peaceful place.
Think of a peaceful place that you can go to if you get overwhelmed. It might be a place you visited when a child, a place where someone you love and respect is seated with you (my grandma’s kitchen comes to mind for me), or an imaginary place that gives you peace (unicorns and pixies, if you want).
Head back in time to a pleasant event in your childhood. It doesn’t matter where it was, but think about who was with you, the smells, the sounds, and the tastes. What does it feel like? Where are you standing? What does it feel like under your feet? What were you doing? How big was your smile?
If the process we are about to follow gets you anxious in any way, just take a short mental walk over to this place. The door is open and there to your left.
There, you have your peaceful place.
What did you enjoy as a child?
When you were a child, what did you enjoy doing? Go back to that time when you were beginning to understand the world and wanted to find something to do with your life. Something that would make you feel alive. What was it you enjoyed doing, the thing that you thought it would be great to do for the rest of your life? It could be something that changes the world, or the world of those around you, or even only your world.
Write that career desire down.
Where is that desire now?
Is that desire still there, somewhere hidden? Did you keep that desire through your teen years? Do you find yourself saying, “it would be nice to make money doing that,” whatever “that” is.
What do you do as a hobby?
What is that one thing you spend a lot of money on, with no expectation of a return on investment other than enjoyment? Do you build model airplanes? Do you like to travel? Perhaps you do basket weaving.
A hobby indicates the types of things you enjoy doing. If you make model airplanes, for example, you may enjoy working with your hands, being precise, and seeing the results of your efforts.
Use your hobby (or desired hobby) to list the types of skills you need to have to engage in that hobby.
What is your personality type?
There are many free online personality tests that help you discover you. The most common is the Myers Briggs Personality Test. I like this one. However, to get the best results, hire a professional who can help you explore what your type means for you, and they can give you a more accurate assessment.
Whatever your type is, embrace it. I’m an INFJ, the rarest type, which means I’m amongst 1.5 percent of the population. That makes me weird. OK, I’ll embrace that because I’m embracing who I am, not the expectations of 98.5 percent of the population.
You can do the same.
Allow your personality. Don’t be discouraged if your desire is to be a public speaker and you are an introvert. The public needs to hear introverts speak for a change. Find a way for your personality to fit into the career you want.
That may sound strange, but a police force, for example, needs all types of personalities in order to function well. Schools that engage both teachers who are extraverts and introverts will have a more diverse culture. If you are already working for a company, but feel you are not fitting in, then explore the company’s other jobs and see where your personality might be a better fit — where the company can help your dream come true.
For example, if you enjoy dealing with the public and you are behind books all day, switching to either the sales or training departments may be a good move for you.
Don’t be what others are.
Socrates said it well: To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom. For us Christians, the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom, but to fear God is to know yourself. In other words, fear God and respect who He created you to be. Be awed by that.
Don’t look at how others are and wish to be like them. You are not being authentic to yourself when you do this. If I were to do that, there would be a carbon copy of Clint Eastwood walking around. Although I admire him, I am not like him at all. I am myself.
Write all this down.
Don’t just like or clap for this article and move onto the next. Stop here for a few minutes and write down on a piece of paper (or on your phone or a tablet or on your computer) what you have just learned about yourself.
State, in writing, that one thing that gives you excitement in your heart. Put it on the wall or a t-shirt, make a wallpaper from it, or just place it in front of your keyboard.
Now, make the change.
Now that you have written down your passion, the rest is easy. The symptoms will appear: you’ll be making goals, setting schedules, and avoiding people who get in your way. You’ll become happier, more fulfilled, and find it easy to be around healthy people. You’ll wake up every morning excited to be on the path to your dream.
You don’t even need to have reached your goal for this to happen. You’ve made the change in your life that drives you forward. Now that you have a passion, you have discovered where the change in your life needs to come from.
